Welcome to Single, Gay, and Thriving!
Dear Readers,
My name is Gay J, and boy(s) am I excited to be introducing my new blog: Single, Gay, and Thriving! to the world! I have been single since I came out of the womb, I’ve been gay for longer than I’ve known, and let’s just say that “thriving” is pretty much my middle name! (It’s actually Henry, but that’s beside the point).
All of this is to say that I have every tool at my disposal to live my happiest, gayest, freest life, which is exactly what I do! I just want to pass my knowledge on to as many other gay people as I possibly can. That’s why I came up with the idea to start this blog, to share my expertise with the world.
I will be answering questions and writing posts on general topics that I feel are important, so feel free to send me a message with a question or topic that you’d like me to answer or discuss! I have plenty of dating, sexual, and just life experience in general that is bursting out of my noggin. With the creation of this blog, I finally have a vehicle to deliver that expertise onto the masses.
I look forward to teaching, learning from, and growing with you all.
With Love,
Gay J
*Disclaimer 1: This is not a true blog. There is no way to send in questions, no comment sections, etc.
*Disclaimer 2: This is adult content.
The Virtue of Versatility
By: Gay J
What position are you? What you into? R U a top or bottom? A pitcher, or catcher? Giver, or taker? Hole or pole?
If you’ve ever been on a dating app, you’ve surely been asked some form of this question. And if you want to get the most out of your sex life, there should only be one answer: All of the above. “And why is that?” you might be asking. And to that I simply respond: Because versatile boys have more fun.
Gawd made both parts (dick and butt) sensitive for a reason, that reason being they should both get used. (And when I say butt, I mean used used.) Have you ever, as an exclusive top, started talking to another top who was super hot, but when you met up all you could do was hand stuff because you’re both lame as fuck? Or as an exclusive bottom had to finger-bang each other or use a double-ended dildo because neither of you were willing to go spelunking? Now, imagine if one of you would have been willing to compromise? You would have been able to have what most likely would have been hot sex, and also added +n (n being as many times as that has happened to you) to your total body count.
And don’t even get me started on flip-fucking. Well, now that I’ve already gotten myself started, I might as well continue (and finish, hard). Genuine vers-on-vers action is truly the hottest sex you will ever have. The cycle of getting your rod stimulated combined with having your prostate pounded as you go back and forth and back and forth on each other will result in the most euphoric orgasm you’ve ever had in your entire life, or your money back! (Disclaimer, no actual money is involved here whatsoever.)
And this doesn’t just go for actual penetrative sex, either. If you aren’t sucking dick and getting your dick sucked, as well as eating ass and getting your ass ate, you’re missing out on a ton of fun. Think of all the different 69ing orientations you can get into if both you and the man you’re slurping like putting your tongues/getting another man’s tongue put into every single orifice. Each other’s mouths on each other’s cocks. Each other’s tongues up each other’s holes. His cock, your mouth; your hole, his tongue. Your cock, his mouth; his hole, your tongue. Okay, so I guess there are four different orientations, but you get my point. (Now add a third who is also orally vers...)
And I know what you might be thinking. But Gay J, I don’t like cock in my ass, or my cock in an ass. Which is fair, if you have legitimate reasons for not liking one or the other (topping/bottoming) such as trauma, you don’t actually have a dick, or you do have a hernia. But if you don’t have any other reason besides “you're scared” or “you don’t want to,” then follow this blog, Single, Gay, and Thriving! and together, we’ll turn you into a versatile king who will cum harder than he ever has in his life in no-time flat.
And that’s the Gay J guarantee.
Reader Question
Dear Gay J,
My best friend and I, both gay men, have a little teensy weensy bit of a dilemma going on: we both like the same person (another gay dude). My friend and I aren’t each other’s types, but this guy is both of ours. The guy in question is a bartender at a local gay bar, and he’s fine as hell, but one night we both (without knowing that the other had done it) gave him our phone numbers, and the next day, discovered that he had texted both of us!
What do we do?
Sincerely,
In a Pickle
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Dear In a Pickle,
The way I see it, you have a couple of different options when approaching this situation! However, first things first: never, and I mean NEVER!!! let a man get in between you and your friends, especially your bestie. The fact that he texted you both already tells me all I need to know about him, AKA he’s trash, which means that neither of you should seriously date him. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have a little bit of fun with him! Here are a few ideas:
1. Say fuck it, and both block him - If you two don’t think that you’ll be able to handle this like mature, adult, gay sluts, then I suggest neither of you talk to him. If you have a flair for the dramatic, and you truly don’t want to lose your bestie, then it’s not even worth trying, no man is worth it. But if you think you can handle the situation with grace and decorum, read on.
2. Fuck him separately - Like I said, neither of you should date him, especially if he’s a bartender at a gay bar, that man is for sure run through (so def use protection). Gay men are sluts though, we’re all ran through, so what’s the difference if you both take your turn with him? Thus is the love triangle of life.
3. Fuck him together - I know you said that you weren’t each other’s types, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have some fun as friends! Is he a top, and you’re both bottoms? Have him take you both to Pound Town! Is he a bottom, and you’re both tops? Then you take him to Paris! Or, if you’re all vers, just get over it, get drunk, and have the sloppiest, hottest threesome of all time. Who knows, maybe it’ll end in a throuple, or you and your friend might even end up in love?
4. Throw your own dating competition - As long as he’s in the dark, the two of you might as well compete for him. Keeping in mind what I said about not letting him tear you apart, as long as you both go into it agreeing to respect whoever wins, then it will be fun. FBoy Island that hoe! (I love you Nikki Glaser.)
5. Mediation - Sit down with your friend and have a conversation. Figure out whose type he’s more of. Figure out who deserves him more. Talk it out, remember, talking is our most powerful tool! And if you build your list of reasons why one of you thinks that they deserve him more than the other, but still can’t come to a consensus, invite in a third, uninterested party (perhaps a straight girl-friend) to make the final decision. Just make sure you both sign a contract beforehand saying that the outcome is binding.
Happy sexxing!
With Love,
Gay J
First-Time Meetings
By: Gay J
Meeting someone for the first time can be scary, especially so if you’re meeting them off of a dating app, especially especially if you’re meeting them off of a hookup app. As someone who has had plenty of first-time meeting-someone experiences; some great, some average, some painful, and some scary, Gay J is here to give you advice on how to avoid making some of the most egregious mistakes when it comes to an initial rendezvous with someone new.
Firstly, make sure your first contact with them is at minimum 24 hours before meeting. I know, sometimes we’re horny as a mofo, and that might lead you to desperately messaging and meeting someone within hours. However, that is not nearly enough time to do your due diligence in order to make sure the person is actually who they say they are, and not a catfish or ax murderer, or a catfishing ax murderer. Also, the longer you talk before meeting, the more you’ll already know about each other, and the less awkward it will be.
Pro-tip: Try the jerk-off test. If you’re meeting with someone, perhaps as a date, masturbate before the time you’re supposed to meet, preferably a couple of hours before in case you need to cancel. If you still want to meet them even with an empty set of balls, then go for it.
The next, and most important step, is to make sure the person is actually who you think that you’re talking to. Catfishing is a huge issue in the gay community, so you’re going to want to go through some lengths to make sure they’re real. (This also goes for making sure that they aren’t using a photo that’s 5-10 years old.) Get some sort of social media account from them (everyone has at least one nowadays, except my friend Jenny, but even she has LinkedIn.) If they say they have no socials they’re lying, because dating apps are a form of social media, so that’s red flag number one. Or, if they truly don’t, ask for their phone number to have them send a photo of themselves doing something specific like giving a thumbs-up or flashing a peace sign. If they aren’t willing to do this they most likely are just trying to get nudes from you and never had any intention of actually meeting up; they want to meet up and think that you’re easy and will just fuck them anyway even though they are totally different from their photo; or they want to wear your skin as a crop top and matching booty shorts. ALWAYS. GET. PROOF.
However, nothing will be safer than meeting people with whom you are connected through at least one other person. Ask your friends if they know any gay guys who are your type that they can set you up with. Or, go on Instagram and look through your friends’ following lists for hot guys with a lot of mutuals and do this: like a few of their photos, then wait for them to like a few of yours back, then start following them, and then wait for them to follow you back, and then finally send a message and pray they send you one back. This eliminates a big part of the mystery (the mystery of whether you’ll end up getting laid in a bed or in an early grave).
Does anyone have any other tips or tricks on safe first-time meet-ups with strangers? Sound off in the comments!
Reader Question
Dear Gay J,
I have three other siblings. I came out in college and was the first in my family to do so. Since then my younger sister has come out, as well as my older brother! I know I should be happy for them, but I’m also a little bit peeved that they stole some of my thunder. For once I thought I was special.
How would you deal with the situation?
Thank You,
The O.G. (Original Gay)
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Dear the O.G.,
I don’t even have to tell you what I would do, because I can tell you what I did do! I was in your exact same situation, I came out first, only to be followed by, and arguably overshadowed by, my sister. Only to make things even worse, my sister is my twin! You may have some mixed feelings about this, but remember, they are your blood. As long as you’re on good terms with your siblings you should have no ill will towards them just because they also want to live as their genuine selves.
When it comes to my sister, especially since she’s my twin, everything she does makes me feel like I have to match her or I’m the lesser of the siblings. This includes her getting married, which she already has. Now every time I see certain members of my family (cough cough, grandma) I’m asked: “Hey J, when are you going to get married? Oh wait, to get married you need a fiancé first. And to get a fiancé you need a boyfriend, which you’ve never had either!” Well guess what grandma, fuck you! I’ll do things in my own time, okay? And that’s how you (the O.G.) should feel! You need to realize that everyone does things in their own time, and you shouldn’t feel any sort of competition from them, especially from your own brother and sister.
Also, just because your siblings also came out doesn’t make you any less special! Honestly, you should feel honored that they followed in your footsteps, that by you being brave, you encouraged them to be brave also! Because of you, two more people now get to live their most authentic, gayest lives. If anything, that should make you feel even more special than you did being the only one out of the closet.
Also, you’re still the one who came out first, and they can never take that away from you. Or me, for that matter. Wow, would you look at that, your question helped me learn a valuable lesson too!
With Love,
Gay J
Boys VS. Men
By: Gay J
Disclaimer: Before we get started just know that everyone in this article, including the “boys,” are fully-grown adults. Now that’s out of the way, let’s get into it.
When it comes to dating males there are two types: boys, and men. (Straight/bi women, you can take this advice as well, just an FYI.)
Boys want nothing serious. They want to play games. They just want to have sex with you before dumping you on the side of the road, heartbroken and filled with cum. And if a fling is all you’re looking for, by all means go for it, more power to you! Just make sure that you don’t get too attached to a boy, because you know in the end they won’t ever want anything serious, even if they claim they do. (To quote Kathy Bates in American Horror Story: “Liiiiieeeeeesssss!”)
On the opposite side of the spectrum (and it is indeed a spectrum) is a man. A man will treat you like the prince (or princess) that you are. He’s not just looking for a quick nut & dump, a man will be more like a squirrel, wanting to repeatedly bury all of his nuts in the same tree. If you’re looking to settle down, or just want something a little more long-term even if you don't think it'll last forever, this is the way to go.
Now, how can you tell the difference between a boy and a man? A big sign is the first date. Did he ask you out somewhere public? Perhaps for coffee, a nice date at a restaurant, or something romantic like ice skating? Then he’s probably more of a man. Did he invite you over for “Netflix and chill?” A “date” to the gym? To a party or bar? Probably a boy. The time of the date/how far in advance it’s planned are also telltale signs. If the first date is scheduled days in advance for a normal time like 6:30 p.m., man. If he texts you at 10:30 p.m. or later to come over right this minute, boy.
The next way is through communication. Does he talk in complete sentences? Can he hold a decent conversation? Does he text you first? Ask you about yourself? Man. Does he give you one to three-word replies? Are there hours/days between texts? Does he only text you when he wants something from you? Boy, plain and simple. The in-person conversation is important as well. Are the conversations deep (man) or shallow (boy). Again, does he seem interested in getting to know you, or are his words just a vehicle for getting into your pantaloons?
Another big sign is his interest level. If he seems super interested at first but that interest wanes as soon as you give up the goods, he’s definitely a boy, no matter how much of a man he seemed like until that point. Be careful though, men/boys are like quicksand, you probably won’t even be able to tell which he is until at least a month of talking, and often by that time it’s too late, you’re already in too deep. That’s why you need to be smart about it, stay alert, and pay attention to everything I’ve talked about here. Most importantly, make sure that you don’t catch feelings before finding out for sure if he’s a boy or a man.
However, be weary when dealing with boys or men. Because in the end, all men are dogs, and very few of them are actually to be trusted. As I said, it is a spectrum, and almost every male will have at least some “boy” qualities in them (AKA they’ll be disappointing pieces of shit one way or another).
Reader Question
Dear Gay J,
I love, love, loveeeee getting my ass ate. However, the guy I’ve been dating for the past two months who I FINALLY became exclusive with just told me he doesn’t eat ass. And on top of it all, he’s a top!
What the hell do I do?
From,
Fixin’ to Get Ma Ass Ate
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Dear Fixin’ to Get Ma Ass Ate,
I hesitate to start this with victim blaming, but how did you go TWO MONTHS and agree to be exclusive without knowing if he eats ass? You should have done at least some due diligence in figuring that out earlier, especially if you love it so much. However, with that being said, all of the blame isn't on your shoulders (or in between your butt cheeks). Okay, now that that’s over with, let’s get to him.
FIRSTLY, being a top that doesn’t eat ass is like being a straight man that doesn’t eat pussy. Can you even call urself a top/straight at that point? I know bottoms who eat ass. I know gays who eat pussy. It just doesn’t make any sense.
I would suggest you start by being mature about it. You need to sit down and have an honest conversation. If no ass-eating is a deal breaker for you, then you need to tell him that. You’ve only been together for two months (that’s not that long) so if it’s a deal breaker for him too (because he absolutely will not eat ass) then you need to break up, now. Simple as that.
Perhaps he’s willing to negotiate. Tell him if he doesn’t eat ur ass, you won’t put his sausage in your mouth. Offer to let him clean you out so that he knows absolutely with certainty he won’t end up with shit in his teeth. Offer to eat his ass so he knows how good it feels, and then maybe he’ll want to return the favor. (If he’s truly a top make sure you clean his ass though, you don’t want shit in your teeth either.) I’m sure there are other things you can say to him that are civil, but I can’t think of any right now, because honestly I’m seething for you as I type this.
Now on to the uncivil comments (if it gets to that). Call him a het (derogatory). Tell him that he isn’t a real top if he doesn’t eat ass. If his parents are divorced, tell him the reason is probably because they didn’t eat each other’s asses, and that he’ll end up alone too if he doesn’t suck (lick) it up. Honestly, you can really be creative with the insults, because if you’ve made it to this point, you’re probably breaking up anyway. (At least you might make that shit stain of a top better for the next bottom who has to deal with him.)
And then you can go find a real man [top] who will eat your ass.
With Love (and hopefully a tongue up ya ass),
Gay J